Episode 4 - Saying “I love you”; Be Understanding; Definition of Success; Harry Potter Soundtracks
Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we discussed “Saying I Love You.”
Lueda grew up in a home where “I love you” was spoken frequently and without abandon. She’s used to saying it to her family and it wasn’t until she entered college that she realized not everyone says it with the same frequency as her family.
I grew up only saying, “I love you” to family members or romantic partners -- never to others outside of those categories. That phrase was always reserved for “special” people in my life. It took spending more time with Lueda and allowing for a broadening of a definition of “love” that allowed me to be more open to saying, “I love you” to my friends.
It was only a short while ago that Alexis and Lueda started saying, “I love you” before ending their phone conversations. As Lueda so eloquently points out, love who you love! Love is appropriate when you feel love and we often put too much emphasis on expressing our love to those we care for. Many times, we expect people to know how we feel about them, but they don’t always know; be explicit in communicating how you feel about them.
The phrase, “I love you” requires vulnerability -- a challenging experience for many. Yet it’s through our vulnerability that we’re able to deeply connect with others and build a lasting and worthwhile relationship. For those in a long-distance friendship, saying, “I love you” is one of the ways to emotionally expand the relationship and create meaningful connection despite not being able to spend time with one another in-person. “I love you” breaks down the stories we tell ourselves and reminds us that we are worthy of all the good things in our lives.
But more than anything, who doesn’t want to be told that they’re loved?! Share your thoughts with us on saying, “I love you” by emailing us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com.
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we discussed the friendship tip of “Be Understanding.”
Long-distance friendships can quickly become strained and filled with resentment. The lack of in-person connection can make it harder to give your friend grace, to give them the benefit of the doubt and to quiet your own fears about how strong your relationship is with them.
When you’re understanding -- showing and giving grace, letting things go, acknowledging the circumstances your friend is facing -- this builds trust and allows for humanity to be at the center of the relationship.
This is crucial for friendships! When you take things long-distance with a friend, it naturally becomes more work. You have to make more of an effort to connect and be present with your friend. And because we all have lives that are filled with tasks, commitments and other relationships, a long-distance friendship can sometimes get deprioritized. Often this has to do with the season one is in.
Being understanding, then, becomes the bridge that allows you to remain friends while navigating the circumstances of your life. When you’re understanding, you leave no room for resentment, anger or frustration and allow yourself to fully love your friend in the midst of their life. And you create more space within the relationship for growth and change to happen.
So, the next time your friend has to reschedule a call again or forgets to text you back again, try to be understanding. Let it go, tell them it’s all okay, that you love them and that you’ll connect again soon.
Do you have any strategies you’d like to share on this tip? Tell us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com.
*BONUS FRIENDSHIP TIP*
The next time you’re celebrating a friend (birthday party, promotion party, retirement party, baby shower, bachelor or bachelorette party, etc.) play that person-themed Pictionary! (I.e. Lueda Pictionary) It’s an amazing way to get to know someone and is a really fun way to celebrate someone.
What questions are we pondering this week?
Alexis: What is your definition of success?
I’ve been considering this question a lot this week, as it’s come up in a lot of different ways. As of right now, I don’t have a hard and fast definition for success in general. I’ve discovered that success looks different in different situations. But I’m going to reflect on this question in the coming weeks.
What content are we consuming this week?
Lueda: All Harry Potter Soundtracks, Top Chef
Lueda has started a new job and is going through intensive training for it. Instead of listening to lyrical music or podcasts, she’s had the Harry Potter soundtracks on in the background, which have helped her focus on learning new jargon and information for her job.
Lueda has also started watching Top Chef from the beginning! A huge feat, as the show started in 2006. She’s really enjoyed getting back into the show and doesn’t have to turn off the parts when people get cut from the show.
What’s something uplifting you’d like to share with others?
Alexis: “It’s Not About the Nail”
We all need to practice being more empathetic at times. Here is a great (and hilarious) reminder of what empathy looks like:
What’s something that’s sparked passion in you recently?
Lueda: Games!
Lueda has recently rediscovered how much she loves playing games with her family. She’s worked to check her competitiveness and instead enjoy spending time with people she loves and get to know them better. The pandemic has heightened her community to play games together in community.
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
